I was so lucky to have shared the planet with my mother for 46 years. I was always acutely aware of my fortune in this regard as my mother lost her own mother when she was only 16 years old and I saw the deep and ever present sadness that this left in her. My grandmother, Elsie, died on Christmas eve and I had never understood why on earth my mother seemed forlorn and distant on this occasion, when there was so much joy and shenanigans going on around her, until one day I asked.
Elsie was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 50. The doctors suspected that she had secondaries and explorative surgery showed extensive and inoperable disease and so Elsie was sent home. My mother told me that she was sitting beside Elsie as she was dying and noticed a small vase of roses on the bedside table. My mother said to herself; “When all the petals falls from these roses my mother will be gone”. The doctor made a house call to check on Elsie and my mother was asked to leave the room. When the doctor had finished mum went back into the room and all the petals had fallen from the roses and Elsie had gone. I saw this little vase in my niece’s room just last night and so told her the story.
My own mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at 50 as well and developed bone cancer but she battled on for 20 years giving us decades of motherly comfort. For most of those years we forgot that she even had cancer because of course she never complained and simply drove herself to and from chemo. She was always just ‘there’ as mothers are, navigating us through life’s little dramas and offering us annoying advice. I say ‘annoying’ because isn’t it the way that when your mother gives you counsel you think she can’t possibly understand how you’re really feeling and most of her suggestions seem outdated and downright ridiculous. Things like; “turn the tap off when you are brushing your teeth” was just stupid 50 years ago because water was infinite, how did she know? In retrospect all the advice my mother gave was not only accurate but strangely clairvoyant.
I thought I would share with you now some of the ‘stupid’ advice my mother gave me:
- Water should be drunk at room temperature
- Turn the lights out in the rooms you are not using
- Brush your hair to distribute the natural oils from your scalp
- Don’t wash your hair too often as it strips it of natural oils
- Never wash your face with soap
- Use Eucalyptus oil for disinfecting
- Put Bi-carb powder in your shoes to absorb foot odour
- Whatever care you give to your face give to your hands, neck and chest
- Sit up straight on the toilet as it helps you to poo better
- Give thanks when you go to sleep
- Put Lavender in your draws to prevent moths
- Don’t drink water out of plastic bottles
- Save Water, shower with a friend.
Of course there are so many more that I can’t remember but I encourage you, if you are lucky enough to still have your mother around, to take note of what she says as it will make sense in time. Mothers are precious and valuable repositories of knowledge but so often it is only in retrospect that we realise this. Ask her questions, rise above your ego and understand that she has lived a rich and full life and has things to pass down to you that she learned from her mother. Not only that, go ahead and give your mother a massive hug and tell her right now that you love her because when she is no longer here you will think of her every day and wish that you could do these things.
Here’s some more that my siblings have remembered:
- Don’t put your shoes on the table (or anywhere other than floor!)
- Don’t drink water with dinner
- Stop cracking your knuckles you will get arthritis
- If you loose something say a prayer to St Anthony
- Don’t abbreviate Christmas to xmas as it takes Christ out of Christmas
- If you haven’t anything nice to say, say nothing at all
- Put toothpaste on a bruise to help it heal quicker
- Add a piece of fruit (Apple or pear) to every stockpot, casserole or soup
